Figuring it all out

This newsletter turned out to be more of a personal essay and I hope you enjoy the inner-workings of my mind:

I am officially moving into my first New York City apartment. It’s a sublet, only for the month of September, but something tells me I won’t be back home… at least not in the way I’m used to.

I have had a wall of my favorite artwork and pictures of nyc hanging up in my room since I was 15 years old and now at 22, we’re making the move. Oddly enough, I don’t feel afraid, nervous, scared and I think it’s because I know it’s where I am meant to be. I have spent the last 6 months building up to this moment going to networking events, making friends, finding hopeful job opportunities, and now I am about to work my first NYFW with an iconic brand which has been a dream of mine since I can remember.

At the center of this move for me is an unwavering belief and trust in myself. I put myself in this position to move to one of the biggest cities in the world and not feel alone. I’m sure once I am there it will hit me, but I feel so grateful to my past self for getting on a train in the pouring rain in March to go to my first networking event where I knew no one to now being able to call the woman who co-founded that group one of my best friends. I had to step outside of my comfort zone in such a big way to get here: the first events I went to were hard for me, I was newly single from a breakup that felt like the one you think might kill you and I felt so lost and confused in myself, my confidence, my job, and my friendships. In some ways I still feel a little bit of that confusion, but it feels like it has direction now.

Even though I don’t know what’s next specifically, I don’t know where I’m living after September 30th, where my next paycheck is coming from after NYFW or how I am going to afford to be gluten and dairy free in nyc. All that being said, I have never been more certain about anything and if you know me, you probably had to re-read that sentence because it simply does not make sense. I like to know what’s next all. the. time. I don’t know how to chill or go with any sort of flow unless I planned it all myself!!

I think it’s important for all of us to feel this level of certainty and trust in our own gut… seriously, now that I know what this feels like, I’m not sure I will ever make a life decision without feeling it. As I’m writing this, I’m able to look back on the sequence of events within the last year and everything that went ‘wrong’ or broke my heart led me to here and if they didn’t happen I wouldn’t be moving to my favorite city and have met some of my favorite people. Soooo, if you’re still reading this, I want to know if you ever had that moment where you just knew in your gut that you made the right choice or if you see now looking backwards why certain things had to happen or fall apart for better things to fall together, what was that moment for you?

XX
CMDC